I don’t show these pictures very often, because they are part of a past life that was filled with sadness, pain, and anxiety. Trapped in a body I couldn’t escape—no matter how hard I tried--the oppression was suffocating.
Depression and anxiety increased as the number on the scales increased, and I couldn’t find clothes in my closet that fit anymore. I feared running into people who last saw me one hundred pounds lighter. The thought of having a heart attack, after watching my dad suffer one-- and then have quadruple bypass surgery afterward, kept me awake at night.
I used food to help me cope. Food became my epicenter of calm. I could escape the reality of the misery and mess I was in by using.
For example, I’d pour half a box of Grape Nuts into a large bowl. Then I would pour milk over the cereal, just enough to cover it, followed by spoonfuls of sugar. Within minutes of eating it, I’d begin to feel drowsy, and then I’d fall asleep.
I had clearly developed a substance abuse disorder, but I was in denial of it.
The oppression eventually consumed my every waking moment and changed the very person I was until I didn’t recognize myself anymore.
I thought starting another diet “on Monday morning” would always be able to fix my “weight problem;” not realizing at that time I needed help. . .and no amount of dieting was going to remedy it.
If you are struggling today, there is a way out of the addiction. You don’t have to keep suffering and jeopardize your health, your relationships, and your enjoyment of life.
Today, I’d wrap my arms around the 46-year-old Emily Boller and tell her, “Hang on! You’ll be free soon!”
I wrote Starved to Obesity for her, because she certainly didn’t need another weight loss memoir collecting dust on her shelf. She’d already read plenty of them, and they only brought more hopelessness and discouragement when she couldn’t shed the weight.
My sincere prayer is that everyone addicted to food escapes it and gets their life back too!
I wholeheartedly believe that God answers our cries for help.
He rescued me, and I have the faith that He will deliver you too. If you would like me to pray for you, put your name in the comments below, and I will pray!